Don't you long for the days when all webpages were primer gray just like all of the vehicles up on blocks in your yard, as well as being constantly "Under Construction"?
Yes. Yes, I am. Almost every FOAF (friend of a friend) who has heard anything about me I run into asks me this question. They're referring, of course, to The Redneck Pickup.
So, years ago I had the perfect truck, bought it brand new and planned on growing old together. It was a 1998 Chevrolet Silverado full-size, long-bed, extended-cab. With the 454 engine. Well, I saw and immediately fell in love with the world's best car: 2002 Jaguar XJR 100 A Limited Edition, Jaguar only built 500 and only sold 100 in North America (these were in honor of the 100th anniversary of the birth of Sir William Lyons, the founder). Bye truck, hello down payment. There's no way I would drive XJRH (XJR & JRH = XJRH) in the winter in Illinois, so he goes into hibernation from the day after Thanksgiving to my birthday, March 11 (weather dependent, last year he didn't come out until the last week in March).
I needed a beater truck for the winter. Set out to find the most reasonable full-size, four-wheel drive in decentish shape for around $2,000. Our carpenter who was finishing up our new bathroom mentioned he bought his last work truck off of eBay, so I added it to the list of places I was searching.
I found one on eBay. 1986 Ford F150 meeting all of the requirements. Won the auction and drove to Wisconsin to pick it up from the young farmer who was selling it as he couldn't afford to renew the registration that year. It ran, and was pretty much as expected except that the windshield was cracked (the $100 for that was still under my total budget target).
One thing. The guy had replaced the shifter with a twelve inch Budweiser beer pull. Said he couldn't get it off and if I wanted to I would have to saw it apart. Honestly, I had a real WTF? moment and hesitated on actually buying the truck. A microsecond later when my real brain kicked in, I realized I would never take the Budweiser beer pull off. It is The Redneck Pickup.
Alas, awaiting better weather for current pictures of the rerednecked pickup. The dual whip antennas are gone (one kept coming loose) and the motel bumper sticker didn't survive. Current stickers include: 3, 8, 20 along with an orange Stewie from the Family Guy, 29, 97, 31, an old Jeans Wrangler Earnhardt, Lynyrd Skynyrd, David Allan Coe, Charlie Daniels, Caterpillar, Ride Red, and "FUCK DENVER AND THE BRONCOS THEY RODE IN ON". Oh, and the four wheel drive shifter is now a red Dale Earnhardt Jr. 8 ball.
Hat and I first met each other getting ready to attend Christine & Mike's wedding on the Creole Queen in New Orleans. The weekend was a hoot.
I got Hat from Texas Hatters custom made for my head. It's Ronnie Van Zant's hat. Actually a few years ago I saw their website and at the time they were claiming that it was "very similar" to the hat Ronnie wore. To my eye, Hat might be more slightly tapered in towards the top than the original. No matter, Hat still rocks.
"Oh. My. God. The hat is all I thought it could be." --Christine
"The hat *kills*." --The Adorable Ada
"I can't even imagine you without Hat." --Maggie
"Did you see that hat?" --anonymous 20-something woman #1 past me on a Chicago sidewalk
"It was SO fucking cool." --anonymous 20-something woman #2 past me on a Chicago sidewalk
I'm really only a redneck when I'm having fun. We live in a great old house, built in 1907 (we even have the original blueprints to the exterior of the house and all of them for the garage--they're framed and hanging in the living room). It's a beautiful red brick, clay-tiled house with all of the details done right (hardwood floors, moulding, partitioned nail and screw drawers in the work room, etc.). The family that built it had all the money in town and built the house correspondingly. They owned it up until John R. Henson (all of the garage blueprints are labelled "JRH Garage"--it was my destiny to own this house) died in the mid-80s. Unfortunate things happened to the house until we bought it in February 2000. Worst, was the horrible lean-to built onto the back of it. It had to go. And did.
If this gentrification is too troubling for you, turn your monitor upside down while your mom reads you this section and you look at the pictures so that it appears we're adding the addition on.
OK, so the Daytona 500 is the best day of the year but The Night Race at Bristol is the most exciting event of the year. Every year.
Way back when when my wife and I were just dating she had never watched a race ("seems pretty stupid to watch cars drive around in circles") but I talked her into watching the night race at Bristol. This was in 1995. The year Earnhardt spun Terry Labonte into the finish line on the last lap. Once of the most memorable races ever. The night for Terry and I was memorable as well. For other reasons we won't go into now. So, now we had an anniversary race and are lucky enough go every year.
We were there in 1999 and got to see Earnhardt spin Terry Labonte correctly and win. That's my favorite in-person race, Terry prefers the 2000 Talladega race where Earnhardt came from 18th with 5 laps to go to win (turned out to be the final win of his career as well).
"Naked is when you ain't got no clothes on. Nekkid is when you ain't got no clothes on, and you're up to something." --Lewis Grizzard